i don't listen to that CD a lot. it gets me to thinking. it used to mean so much to me. like every word in those songs was meant for me. like he was singing them at the same time and thinking... "i can't wait to start a life with her" but i guess it's just me and my romantic thoughts getting in the way. no one cares that much. no one ever loved me that much. and they prolly never will. i'll have to settle for someone that remembers my name and has a job.

yeah... i'm writing in such a depressive way. i just want it all back. all of the good things. all of them.

i don't want to be here. not now. not ever.

i hate this place. there is nothing here for me. i need to get out of this hole.

*treat*

i was so young. it was nothing. we were kids. things change. more quickly than slowly. it's more serious to some than others. things may even get weird. but others are delightful and wonderful and just...great. they made everything ok. and life will change because of them. they made me a different person with different perspectives. and i was a kid. i didn't know what was real and what was a dream. and my life seemed so far away. so distant. and i was so lonely. they take so much but give you so much in return. and you use it to your advantage. what a treat.