Things just seem to get to me. He was so sweet and so perfect. I would have done it all for him. Kids, a house, or just follow him around the world and back. He fell for me. He was only 18. The distance mainly. It scared him. He didn’t want me to leave my whole life behind for something that might not have worked out. He’s not really an asshole. Sometimes I really miss him. I wonder what might have been. I think about all the things we used to say to each other. And how he smelled. He used to be the spark I found in the darkness of my life.

Sometimes I think back, and I wish I had done some things that I didn’t do. And sometimes I’m glad that I didn’t. I’m glad I was that way back then. I’d be a different person now if things had been different. Hell… I was just 19. Who do I think I was? What do I think might have happened? You can’t just change someone’s life in a month… or can you? Sometimes… things are just fucked up. And its painfully obvious that life hates you sometimes. And I’m probably going to dwell on it, too. As I always do.

Oh, and I broke an old promise the other day. I guess I’m a liar, too, Mike. I’m sorry.

You hurt me today

Without a touch,

Just the pain from your eyes

Stealing the life from me

Killing the joy

I cannot take

…Only give.